<body> my world
aBouTs



- cln -
'86 baby

"love is a simple thing. It’s either you love, or you don’t. You can try everything, almost everything to prevent yourself from loving, but it all boils down to this: Either you love, or you don’t"

cOnnEctEd

*dEe
*miss pea
*caroline
*old man
*ed with the capital E
*isabell
*rin
*mie
*dIa
 *zhi wei
 *rachel
 *darren
 *marc
 *francine *amanda
*mud's tee

*pASt*

  • August 2007
  • September 2007
  • October 2007
  • November 2007
  • December 2007
  • January 2008
  • February 2008
  • March 2008
  • June 2008

    •








    04-chris brown-wit...
    +AgGy




    Wishlist

    -a new phone-
    -many nice watches- <- still not enuff
    -shoes-
    -bling blings-
    -digi cam-
    -more night outings-
    -to ride soon-
    -more clothes-
    -work to go well-
    -no more being late-
    -to be more actively involve in everything-
    -someone to love n be loved- (sound so desperate lol)

    Special thanks

    DESIGNER:  ice angel


     

    Brushes: Fractured-Sanity.Org

    Tuesday, August 7, 2007


    finally i manage to get my new blog up. =) been ages since i blog. hmmm. how shld i start.
    lets talk bout the past first den.

    the past month had been a pain. the incident tat i saw with my own two eyes, the hurt, the crying, the giving up n wad so ever i had been through. i didnt know love could really hurt so much till den. would really wanna apologize to those who cared but yet i dun give a damn bout frens. im sorry for neglecting n everything. it juz tat its been very very hard on me. but no worries now alright. im getting better, trying my best to get back up, picking up bits n pieces of myself and to be whole again.

    '07 had not been a gd year. many things happen and im like a victim of a spider being caught in its web.

    first dere was *d. the one whom i loved so deeply and thought we could be together forever. everything i planned and all the effort i put in, it juz became a dream of ytd. i let go hoping *d would find happiness. cuz i know my love would only bring *d to this stage. all i could do now was holding onto the swt memorises tat i had and wishing for *d to be happy. and im glad *d had found happiness. i know i would nv forget *d but for now, ill juz be *d fren. =)

    nx dere was *e. the one whom i had a crush on since sometimes ago. but it was a nv gonna happen relationship. cuz *e, if u guys dun know is married. the relationship btw us was "special" esp now. though the feeling was gd all along, i always wanted more. hoping *e could give me more than wad was given. but now things changed. m i losing interest in *e juz bcuz things btw us got alot better or was it bcuz all my attention had moved to *c. seriouly, i dun even know myself. m i juz a player? trying to play around so as to get my heart healed. i doubt so.

    oh. n i was typin bout *c juz now. yupp. *c the third and the most recent one. the one whom i lost contacts a few yrs ago n juz got back to each other recently. its a long story btw *c and me. once a gd fren but we din know each other background until one day when we found out, it was too too late. and so, we nv happen. feelings for *c had always been dangling at tat pt and i thought it had stayed dere but i was SO SO WRONG! i didnt know feelings for *c would be so strong now. making me go ga ga, silly and even crazy. but this again is an impossible relationship. for tat so many reasons tat i couldnt put in here (keke), i could only type tat *c is currently happily attached and i dun wanna break them up. i had juz been through tat phrase and i know it hurts da_mn lotsss. opps. anyway, i dun even know how *c feel bout me n wads *c intention is. *c always like a hi/bye fren to me. its so hard to contact *c unless ur lucky n *c will reply u with one or two msg. this had nv improved over the years n sometimes it seem meaningless to be a fren of *c. i mean here i m trying my hard to be *c fren once again but it seem like i couldnt. i didnt expect much frm *c cuz i know *c had her own life, own frens n own piority. i couldnt juz get into the pic n tinks tat im a super vip. so... since its juz like tat, den mayb, juz mayb, letting my feeling subside slowly would b the best choice. cuz all along, its juz my one sided feeling for *c.

    and dere. my life had been only revolving around love n love only.

    seriouly i dread life. exp life as cindy. sometimes i wonder wads gd bout me. looking at how fake i can get really disgust me and mayb i would tink im special. but den again if you look around. everyone around you is as fake as you are and you'll realise tat you not special. your juz trying to be normal, blending into this world. trying to be strong n wanting to be strong to move on n survive in the oh so cruel world was really tiring. im doin my best in life, in work and even in the oh so wonderful love but im not SUPERWOMAN. i juz wish i could fall, break and cry my eyes out. but back to reality, i cant. i couldnt even hv the guts to cry out loud. so wad can i do?

    im afraid of being lonely. the feeling when no one is at home but only you. the feeling tat all your frens had frens they are gonna meet and your the only one who's left alone at home facing the walls. i hate this feeling and yet im so used to it. getting used to me n my game alone. now tat my bro's heading to israel, i guess ill b even lonelier. its not like a month or two oversea trip but NINE whole months for god's sake. though i could drive his car, i rather he's home with me. at least we could play game together. AIKz. this post sound like its getting depressing. alright enuff of all this. i juz hope my bro will b safe and well. n i do hope he could make it to my 21st pt. *prays*

    alright alrdy! now i wan to type bout happy things. keke. my life had encountered many downs, but tat doesnt mean its always tat way. im glad a found a few nice n cool frens. though they might juz be a handful n they hv their own frens too, im still grateful tat i found them. dere was zhu zhu whom went through alot for me cuz of *d, mud mud for the many advice given, cbl n rin for trying to be dere though rin always MIA and lastly to carol, my ah ma, whom always hear me out n gives advice in everything u name it (frm *d to *e and even to *c and they are in alphapetic order). lol. I really appreciated u guys alot alot even if i din mention it. im not the kind who always throw my feelings out but i want u guys to know tat deep down, i really do care n appreciated each n everyone of u. for those frens i din mention, im happy i had u all too. each n everyone of u had came into my life n changed it little by little, even if its not as much as how these few frens of mine had done. all in all, i juz wanna say a big THANK YOU and I LOVE U ALL, be your a men or lady. so yupp. do cont to change my life okay. =)

    okays! gtg liao. dad scolding alrdy. keke. nitey/morning guys. update again tmr morning after my work. hv a wonderful day.

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